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“Tonight I’m going out to dinner with some friends,” she said to me in the morning after I got out of the shower.


“I’m going to take the subway downtown from work.”

“How are you going to get to work?”

“That’s where you come in.”


“You’ll give me a ride to work.”

“I will?”

“Yeah. I’ll make it worth your while,” she said as she spread her legs and stroked her labia.

“Are you proposing sex in exchange for a ride to work?”

“You give me a ride and I’ll give you a ride.”

I looked at her pussy. She said, “What?”

“Now I see where I cum in.”

“That’s right, Daddio. That’s where you cum in.”

“I wonder what you tell your Uber drivers.”

“We’ll find out tonight.”

Naked and still dripping wet from the shower, I got into bed with her. She was dripping wet for other reasons. I came within seconds.

“That was so quick. I hardly even warmed up,” she complained.

“I got what I bargained for.”

“Where are you going?”

“To the kitchen to make breakfast.”

“But, I want you.”

“You just had me.”

“I want you more.”

“Sorry, babe, there is no more.”

“But I need to get fucked.”

“I just fucked you.”

“I mean really fucked.”

“You sure know how to compliment a guy.”

“I need a cock that can complement my cunt. Reach in the closet and grab my Remus. I’m going to ram that baby home so far that tonight I’ll be so stretched I won’t even feel a human cock in me.”

“Oh, we’re having sex again tonight? Very presumptuous of you.”

“I’ll be having sex, but I didn’t say it would be with you.”

I passed her the giant box containing her horse-cock dildo and went into the living room where I turned on “Old Town Road.”

Yeah, I’m gonna take my horse to the old town road
I’m gonna ride ’til I can’t no more
I’m gonna take my horse to the old town road
I’m gonna ride ’til I can’t no more

I got the horses in the back

I heard screams from down the hall. She was calling for me. I went into the bedroom and found her backing into the flared phallus attached to the headboard.

“That was fast,” I said, “It took me longer to make toast.”

Though she had already cum, she said, “I want your cock.”

“But we have to leave soon.”

“That’s ok, I want it to go.”

“To go? But you’re naked, filled to the hilt with an equine appendage.”

“I want it to go in my mouth.”

I humored her by unzipping my pants and pulling out my flaccid cock which she eagerly and easily cupped along with my balls orally. Her mouth came off of me with a ‘pop’ sound and she said, “Pass me the other dildo.”

Reached under the bed and pulled out her double-ended 16” toy and she licked it before manipulating it into her ass.

“Did you have breakfast?” she asked, looking up at me as she eased back on both dildos.

“I’m making it now,” I said.

“Well, I can be your double-stuff dessert.”

“I’ll leave you three to get better acquainted,” I said as I went to tend to my food.

Later, as she was getting dressed, she said “What are you looking at?”

“Your puss.”

“Well, you already got yours.”

“And you already got yours.”

“That thirty seconds? Believe me, it was nothing to write home about.”

“You write home about sex?”

“Doesn’t everybody?”

“I don’t.”

“No, you write books about sex.”

She was dressed and ready to go in about two minutes. “By the way,” she said, “you’ll have to change all the sheets later. I’d strip the bed myself, but I’m late.”

“I’ve never known you to pass up stripping for anything.”

“Well, there’s a reason why they call it Masturbation Mondays.”

“Who calls it that?”

“I do.”

“I’ve heard of Manic Monday, a case of the Mondays, and Sunday Scaries, but never Masturbation Mondays. Why do you call it that?”

“Cause, every Monday I have to continue my masturbatory sessions at work.”

“Of course you do. What about Tuesdays and Wednesdays?”

“Well, pretty much any day I go to work that ends in ‘y’.”

We were in the car on the way to her office and we hit a ton of traffic. Pissed at how much time I was taking out of my morning to drive her, I said, “Wow, you got a lot of work out of me for only thirty seconds of play.”

“The shorter the fuck, the more I should get for it.”

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Just your average nymphomaniac next door. I love fan mail:

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