Member-only story
“What’s there to eat in the fridge?” I call to her through the bathroom door. I had just gotten home from work and I was famished.
“Nothing,” she calls back as I hear the squeak of her opening the valves to take a shower.
“Nothing?! I saw a cucumber in the bottom right drawer.”
“Oh, that’s not for eatin’,” she says. “Come to think of it, will you bring it to me darling?”
Good grief. I get the green gourd from the fridge for her and a cold beer for me. I pass her the vegetable when she extends her hand through the narrow opening of the door.
“Can’t I see you?” I ask.
“No.”
“You do know that I’ve seen you naked before? Most of the internet has seen you naked before. Probably most of our neighbors have seen you naked before.”
“I have my shower cap on.”
“Oh, well then.”
The door shuts. I sit down to read and sip my beer and await her exit from the bathroom. And wait. And wait. After her repeated cries to God and profanities that I imagine were directed at her pleasure-bearing plant, I hear the waterspout squeak off.
Finally she emerges.
I whistle at her. “You look half as good in your clothes as you do out of them.”