Image for post
Image for post

“Our vices always lie in the direction of our virtues.” — Thoreau, A Week, p. 268

It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon and Lo and I were about to go for a brisk walk through the neighborhood when, as we exited the front door, we found a package addressed to Lo.

“Were you expecting a special delivery?” I asked.

“Not that I recall,” she said.

She picked up the brown box and we brought it inside, unwrapped it, and we found two beautiful paintings of Lo somehow done on thick panes of glass. One was of her puss.

On seeing the striking resemblance up close, Lo remarked, “The illustration really captures my essence.”

By now, it’s no secret that Lo has a lot of admirers, both in person and virtually. Her fans love to send her gifts and those gifts range from the common, run-of-the-mill dick pic to beautiful original paintings and artworks that arrive by mail at our doorstep. I have no issues with any of her accolades. I am more than satisfied to bask in the glory of her brilliance, like the moon illuminated by the sun. I will also admit that many of those admirers pay at least lip service to the writing. And, given that Lo’s lip service is something I get on a regular basis, I have no reason to complain. But it is nice, every once in a while, when an enthusiastic and attractive woman writes to me to express her appreciation for all the hard work I do.

This has happened on a few occasions and, despite the disproportionate attention that Lo gets compared with yours truly, it never ceases to amaze me that she still gets jealous.

Recently, I received an email from an admiring female fan that read: “Hi there, HH, I recently came by your blog through another site.” Interesting turn of phrase — “came by your blog,” rather than “came across your blog.” Do you think she was intentionally ambiguous? And our fans always say, “through another site,” but never say through which site — perhaps embarrassed by the seedy sites and searches they use. I digress. The letter continued, “Someone in my network was going crazy about how they’re jacking off to LOLA and your stories about 50 times a day and how she’s probably the most intense woman alive in our times. Of course, when I checked your website out, I was blown away after reading the explicit as well as brilliantly written episodes.”

My darling correspondent was kind enough to purchase our books and also take some photos with them and send some sexy pics to me. I hardly have to add that Lo was flattered by the letter as well (which is probably the only reason why it slipped passed her watchful eye and was brought to my attention by her).
I will say, dear reader, that missives such as this have dwindled in number since we began this little sexcapade of a blog. I attribute this diminished return to the rapid advances in technology. Not only can one watch porn on their phones, but other porn progress, such as 3D porn and realistic porn video games, have made the market for pure erotic writing with occasional still photographs a quaint relic of our pornographic past, like Playboy Magazine and the pin-up calendar.

The digital age has afforded great benefits to authors such as myself — a vast, almost instant platform to reach across the world, the ability to communicate directly with one’s readers, and a streamlined mechanism for typing. (Recall that Jack Kerouac had to feed industrial spools of paper into his typewriter while he drank his whiskey in order to not interrupt his flow by having to replace the sheets of paper.) For all those boons, it’s hard to compete in the age of digital diversion. The smartphone has all the bells and whistles. All I have is my story. And yet, every time I go see some block-buster action film in which the stunts and special effects are on steroids, I often leave feeling let down. Sure, the visual CGI was on a galactic scale, but the story! The story! Without a good story, all of the other stuff falls flat. It’s like a cake composed entirely of icing, or a tricked-out car with no engine.

I digress again. Maybe I should stick to my story. I was telling you about my lovely letter from a fan. Though I write out of sheer delight, on occasion (many occasions actually), it feels as if it is an obsessive compulsion. But when I receive a compliment from a reader, it seems to justify the excess.

“See that, Lo,” I said, “Maybe it’s not just the scribblings of a madman.”

“Oh, darling,” she said, “They’re lucky that you have something good, worthy, and important to contribute, unlike most of the drivel that people write.”

“You just think that because I write about you.”

You see, dear reader, it is difficult to get an objective opinion from Lo. But she is self-aware, to a degree. Once, when I returned from a business trip to New York City and was telling her of the nude women at Times Square trying to turn a buck by selling a selfie with them, she said, “You’re just telling me this to get in my pants.” She knows that I know that her reaction to jealousy is to seduce me.

“How did this become about you and sex?” I asked.

“Everything is about me and sex. I’m a nymphomaniacal megalomaniac.”

She then undressed and reclined on the sofa. I just looked at her.

“What are you doing?” she asked, impatiently.

“I’m an author of erotica and a philosopher — I’m contemplating your navel.”

After reading the letter from my admirer, I suppose I was grinning from ear-to-ear. My delight triggered Lo’s jealousy and I warned her that I would expose her bad side if she kept it up.

“Bad side?”

“Yes,” I said, “Everyone has a bad side.”

Lola turned around and showed me her ass and pussy from behind and asked over her shoulder, “Is this my good side or my bad side?”

After reading this blog entry to Lo, she said to me, “You know, we should have another tagline. Instead of “The nymphomaniac next door,” we should say, “Mysexlifewithlola — come for the pics, stay for the story.”

“That’s good,” I said.

“Or maybe,” she mused out loud, “Cum to the pics, stay for the story.”

“Or,” I said, “you could cum for the camera, they stay for the story.”

“No,” she said, “I like mine better.”

“You always do,” I responded.

She then fiddled out of her bra and cuddled up to me, her nipples hard and erect under her blouse.

“Don’t you like mine better, Daddy?” she asked.

“I do think you persuaded me.”

“You never can argue with me when I wear this. I must have a couple of great points.”

To which I said, “I’ve got it! The tag should be: Lola Down — clever lines, sexy curves.”

[See all the stories here:]

Just your average nymphomaniac next door. I love fan mail:

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store