Member-only story
The snow had fallen most of the night and, half way through shoveling the drive, wouldn’t you know it, my shovel gives out under the weight of the stuff. I trounce through the six inches that had already fallen, down to the local hardware store and, as I walk in, I realize that this seemingly hapless event may turn out to be fortuitous. There I see in the window the most erotically designed plunger one ever laid eyes on! I wish to say, “Excuse me sir, how much is that dildo in the window?” Though I don’t make the slip of the tongue, I do purchase not one, but two of the excellent household necessities: one pink and one blue. As I’m at the checkout counter, the old grizzled gentleman at the cash register says to me in a gruff voice, “The lesbians will be mad at me for selling you the last two!”
Suddenly I realize that my little scheme is transparent! I start making excuses: “I have two bathrooms,” “But they’re so cute!” “For that price, how can I only buy one?” I realize that my verbose cover-up is a dead giveaway of my dirty intentions. Fuck it. I plunk down the cash and leave with the two plungers. He didn’t even give me a bag in order to conceal them! I had to walk the entire way home with them for all to see and I forgot to buy the snow shovel!
I got home and then, realizing that the drive was still covered in snow, I told Lo that they were out of shovels. There was no…