Image for post
Image for post

It was Thursday night. I walked in on Lo taking a shower. “Why is there a wineglass in here?” I asked.

“Because I thought I’d have a sensual, romantic evening.”

“Only you would make a sensual, romantic date with yourself in the shower.”

“Hardly. But, if you must know, I had originally planned on a bath, surrounded by candles.”


“I wanted to cut to the chase.”

I looked in at her and saw that she had the hand-held shower head between her legs.

“Only you could cheat yourself out of a romantic date in order to get lucky — with yourself!”

After her climax, she got out of the shower and as she was drying off, she said, “I’m trying to cultivate pleasurable habits.”

I snickered.


“Pleasurable habits are your forte. I don’t think you need to ‘cultivate’ them.”

“No, no. Not those sorts of pleasurable habits. Normally it would be things like getting coffee at a café, strolling through a museum. Doing yoga. But during these pandemic times we’re in, I need to discover and foster different pleasurable habits. What are your pleasurable habits?”


“Damn straight.”

“Glad we’re agreed on that because I was afraid you were going to tell me to work out or eat better, or, God forbid, cut out beer!”

“Speaking of that. . .”

“Oh no!”

“No, no, no, silly. I was just going to say that since I can’t go to the gym, I am going to have to find a way to do workouts at home.”

She put on her workout shorts and sports bra and told me to get out of the bedroom because she was going to do some exercises. I left and about five minutes later I heard her grunting and breathing heavily.

The next day Lola went into the bedroom to do her exercises again. When she came out she told me about a workout video that got her hot — about burning your buns off.

On the third day, Lola went into the bedroom to do her exercises and I heard her grunting and breathing heavily. I was curious. I went to check on her. I cracked the bedroom door and found her masturbating on the bed to the sexy woman in the exercise video.

“Is this how you work out?!” I said, walking in on her and interrupting the strenuous physical discipline.

“I told you, I am cultivating pleasurable habits. If my exercise turns into a digitally manipulated cardio session, that counts as a pleasurable habit.”

The next day during her exercise time I caught her in the bedroom pounding her pussy with her glass dildo instead of doing pushups.

“I felt like I needed to work out, but needed to work it out first! I had a really hard day.”

“Oh, is this your homeopathic remedy?”

“Why do you ridicule me? I don’t poke fun at you when your idea of exercise is typing fifty-words-per-minute.”

“I’m not poking fun at you. I’m in awe of your capacity for poking your yum-yum.”

“Good grief! Could you leave me to my own devices and take your puns into the other room?”

The following night she began masturbating during a movie we were watching.

“Lo, what are you doing?”

“What’s it look like I’m doing?”

“It looks like your finger-fucking your pussy while we’re trying to watch a movie.”

“Keen observation.”

“But why can’t we just watch the movie? Before too long, you’ll make yourself cum and then you’ll want to fuck me and we’ll never get through the movie.”

“We’re watching Brad Pitt take off his shirt. Everyone masturbates to that!”

“You’re extrapolating.”


“Because you do it, you’re extrapolating from yourself to everyone.”

“And everyone extrapolates.”

“Now you’re confusing extrapolate with masturbate. Everyone masturbates, but not during every movie.”

“Extrapolate, masturbate, fornicate, what’s the difference? Can you please press PLAY so I can get on with this? You interrupted my rhythm.”

“You’re just going to exacerbate the problem by persisting in it.”


As I sat watching the scene unfold, I can’t deny that it got me hard. Lo noticed and said, “If we go to bed, will you stay up?”

“What about the movie?”
“You’ll fall asleep during it anyway. Let’s get into the bedroom where you can get into me.”

I agreed and got up. She remained on the couch.

“Aren’t you coming?” I asked.

“I hope to be soon. Brush your teeth, get in bed and I’ll be right there. I’m just going to finish this up,” she said as if she were in the middle of making a spreadsheet for a work project.

In bed, I fell asleep waiting for her. She must have entered without my noticing, pulled out her Hitachi and, after cumming once, she put it on my back and jolted me awake. “I was just using the defibrillator to bring you back to consciousness,” she said wickedly.

After I awoke, she sucked me off, climbed on top of me, and began riding my erect cock. It is well trained to react to her while the rest of me sleeps. “Fucking you is like fucking a geriatrics patient.”

“You say the most romantic things.”

“I need dick. Give it to me.”

I was almost asleep again as she bounced up and down.

“This is like fucking a cock on a corpse after rigor mortis has set in.”

“You sure know how to turn a guy on.”

“I want your cum, Daddy. Give it to me. Fill me.”

Relieved to hear her request since it meant the culmination of my satisfaction and the fulfillment of her nocturnal necromancy, I released my draught of desire deep inside her to her delight.

“Thank you, Daddy,” she said, falling into my arms.

“So, am I on your list of pleasurable habits to cultivate?”

“Of course you are, silly! Number one on the list is ‘Jill it. Drill it. Fill it.’”

“What’s number two?”

“Actually, it’s the only thing on my list so far.”

Written by

Just your average nymphomaniac next door. I love fan mail:

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store